Heart Felt Conversations

Last night, hung out with Karlyn, Jenna, Brandon, and this new guy Bill. I somewhat know Brandon, and he's cool. This Bill Guy, Fiiine as hell...and then he opened his mouth, and any attraction just died...Obviously he didn't know women well because he was saying plenty of rude things, and poking fun at Jenna, and in an slightly pervert way butt in on Karlyns massage with Brandon.

Somehow our jobs got into the mix (oh hey, i remember, Jenna almost lost her job on her first day b/c we may have been trying to hook up her with a client at the time, lol), and i found out that Bill actually works in tv. And then he said he was a reporter for news 18, and then i realized who he was, Bill Osmulski for WQOW. It made sence then, Brandon is with the National Guard, and so is Bill. duur.

Oh well. Point in being, hanging out with them was boring, and i had more fun driving home with Karlyn and Jenna.

Oufda

CrackBerry

Good god, i thought karlyn was joking when she mentioned that there actually is a website called "Crackberry.com" and it's very in-detail about everything about BlackBerry Devices.

I hate the Pearl, and am heavily addicted to it. It's replaced my ipod, tv use, e-mails, and it's almost taken the place of my laptop( which it's main usage is of illegal downloading and playing sims). I love this phone! i Can even fully integrade it into my car so all i have to do is push a button and it'll play through my speakers( minor note, when in heavily populated areas make sure you turn the volume up as your talking to someone, so all the people around your car don't think that your a cat lady parson talking to yourself). I don't know how i had ever managed my life before this blackberry. it's amazing and i highly recommend getting one. It's not the mose user friednly phone in the world when you first get it, but shortly after you'll be amazed.

"make me a supermodel" i had watched the Finale on YouTube, and i was pissed. The gay guy should have won. fucking girl, she sucked.

Early morning ex drunk phone calls-SO, woken up early this morning from drunken' crying of the ex-bf. To be honest i have no clue what he was talking about, and i just kept saying "everything will be alright" and "i agree" and then i eventually hung up, and he didn't notice. 20 mins later (Why did you hang up on me?!)

(Sigh) i don't like gay guys, there to dramatic

FRIGEN' IDIOTS!

So, i love my friends, truly i do...but some of the shit we do not-so-soberly bothers me sometimes. Like buying an old car for 200$, smashing out the windows, and then drunkenly trying to roll the car in a feild...fun yes, dumb? definatly. But, it's when other people get involved when my idiot friends really really bother me. Like, a few minutes ago, i just got a phonecall from karlyn..."MICHAEL! I'M SORRY I DIDN'T WANT GEOFF DRIVING BUT HE WOULDN'T LET ME TAKE THE KEYS! WE JUST REAR ENDED SOMEONE AND DROVE OFF" Geoff is drunk, and even though karlyn is sober, she let him drive. I'm pretty irked. One, they just hit and run someone, reguardless if there's only a tiny dent they should have pulled over. AND IT'S FUCKING 3 IN THE AFTERNOON!?!?! WTF?!!?

*sigh* frustration...

Subway, Eat Fresh. BLah BLah

Don't ask about the title it was a spur of the moment thing that have nothing to do with my day at all. SO, driving home last night I’m driving near water street on N Clairmont, and all of a fucken' sudden the computer screen in my car goes blank, and in red letters "Warning-Engine Failure" starts flashing. The car is rumbling, and the steering partially locks up and I’m freaking out because I’m slightly swerving, well enough to hear the tires slightly squealing. I pull over turn the car off, go check the engine and its components. Nothing wrong...anything, i get back in, start the car, nothings wrongs. WTF?! Why do I always have to get the possessed cars? I have bad car karma.

Man-No, really, MAN. I need a man, not a boy, not a guy, but a man. Responsible, knows what he wants in life, and a good job, good with kids, and easy on the eyes, preferably dark hair, nice lips. And Most importantly, can deal with my clumsy-accident-proaned-Ass, lol.

Cold Hard Bitch

Dear blog i've been cheating on you. No Comment

I was thinking that music needs to play wherever i go. Like, when i walk into a room i want Jet's "Cold Hard Bitch" to play. When i'm driving i want everyone to Hear "Get It By Your Hands" Original mix from Eureka 7. When i'm pissed Hoobastank's "out of control" will come on. Partying-Roll Over DJ-JET.

(sigh) yeah it would be uber-awesomeness. lol.

So, working at UHG is becoming more and more fun...not...I had an elevated warning due to, too many unplanned's. I lost my damn pack of smokes, and to top off it all, a co-worker took me responding in an e-mail to her "yeah.."completely the wrong way and went off on me. Not very nice.

OH, and part of the warning was that i was not to take any PTO for 3 fucking months, i'm all sorts of happy about that...

Damn Im Full-Screwed Up Dreams-Letting go

Yeah, famous daves is filling -_-. UGH! i don't even want to work at the moment. Moreso this feeling of wanting to pass out in my cube, with a sheet over the top so i have a fort, muahaha.

I've been having a lot of Fucked up dreams lately. Lots that have to do with something extremely wrong going on, and i have to run for my life; and in that process i'm trying to find someone that had been with me.

In the last dream, of all people that had been with me was Gus O_o. It's been years since i've spoken to Gus, and the mere thought of talking to him again just makes me want to take him out...but at the same time, i have this fucked up sence of really missing him. Gus, had been the only really Gay Guy friend i've ever had. Paul-Mark-other Paul-Eric-And Tyler don't really count O_o. They are all more party/sexual aquantences i've hung out with, but not to the point where i'd concider them "good friends."

With what everything that i and Gus had went through that ended badly, it frustrated me to say that i would have concidered him as my best friend at the time, and even moreso maybe my first love. It wasn't the healthiest lifestyle either: smoking, drinking, extreme dieting, excessive excercising, fucking with people for entertainment, drunk driving, playing mind games with others...Wanna be Paris-Hilton-lifestyles. We were horrid towards others, to Gus's boyfriend at the time...i think he had two though?O_o. In one instance Gus and i started feircly making out while his boyfriend was on the phone, and i could hear him saying "hello? is anyone there? what the hell is going on?" But...it was fun and games. Given i was 15 and everyone goes through crazy stages around those years as part of teenage rebellion.

But overall i do miss him, sure we were out of control, but we had our positive moments that hadn't been negativly affected other people, and we just let loose. Playing ps2, going for walks, swimming, playing card games and laughing about everything.

One hott day in the middle of summer. Gus's parents we're gone; we had the stereo playing Snow Patrol playing, and i think it was "chasing cars" playing, he was out on the deck staring off into the forrest, i walked up behind him, he took a deep look into my eyes, and in an instant, for some automatic reason that i still can't understand to this day, i walked up right behind him, and wrapped my arms around his lower chest from behind and gently placed my head on his right shoulder. Not even wondering what he would repondwith, he slowly leaned into my body and tilted his hed back on my left shoulder as he placed his arm over mine and cupped my hand and just stood there.I can remember like it was yesterday. This safe feeling, the warm breeze, the sun flickering through the trees as the wind blew through them, snow patrol in the background...it just felt...right. in those few moments i can only describe it as nothing more but, passion. And then came the thought that i may actually love him, but i didn't know if he felt the same.

I dont remember the rest of that day, or how long we actually stood there. But a few weeks after, we started fighting again, and then we didn't speak to eachother. I'm still unclear as is to why the fight started, or why Gus choosed not to resolve anything. For years i've been angry at him, never to the point of trash talking him or spreading rumors, but just mentioning to people when he came up, how much i hated him. I think all that hate that i had towards him wasn't even hate...but mixed up saddness bc i lost my friend.

So now, everything is in the past, and there's no going back. Even if the chance arouse where Gus and i could become friends again, it would never be the same as it was. Gus i and are completely different people now, then when we were young. It's that "oh well" feeling, lol.

(le sigh)


And i'm done

Reading Rainbow...literally

Last night i finished the last book of a three book series, and i wanted to cry. Not many things actually get me to the point as is to where i can cry, and this was intense. The Rainbow series from Alex Sanchez about three teens (Nelson-flamer Jason-gay jock and kyle-smart gay) going through different experiences about coming out, bullying, diversity, tolerance and understanding. It's an amazing series that has its ups and downs. I got really into these books, losing nights of sleep just reading, wanting to know what happens next. everything turned out absolutely inspiring by the end of the third book. And, as of now i want to call up Alex Sanchez and write more sequels to these books, lol. ( i may have to win the lottery first, because bribing people isn't what it used to be).

Work is hectic, as usual. But thank god earlier in the meeting today the rumor mill wasn't about the other night....lots of booze and other things involved, and it was hella fun. Lets play code and say that i played a good chess game with two other guys, and then prayed with jamie/barb/amy and those dudes O_o. it was awesome.


uh yeah...i gots nothings elses.