Rants

Soooo...Karlyn moved into this huge 7 bedroom house with people that i hate with a passion, and vise-versa and it frustrate's me to no end. Lets look at this situation, i can't hang out with her anymore bc she with those fuckers all the time, and social event she tries to drag me along knowing that these people see me as shit in their eyes. it's also frustrating to the fact that she's only known these people for a good 3 months? tops...i've offered her to stay at my apartment pretty much free of charge, in the city where she's going to school, she's high up in the company that we work for (Carlson), and could easily be transfered. Its just bull. I'm losing my best friend to fuckers that hate me and it's frustrating. AAAAAAHHHHADF:ASJ FASdfjasdfjasd tasfj AWDF?SDJFAS!@#$!@#$!#$r@#$


just thinking about the whole thing really pisses me off...

i know it's selfish of me to say, but maybe karlyn and chris shouldn't have broken up...or something, bc with all the shit that both of them have put me through bc of it...URGGADFADF AJK...for months now i've been dealing with Chris's fucking emo ass saying "why did she leave me after sooo long" then 5 minutes later freaking out and calling her a slut and that he wants to kill her and take himself out as well, and then 20 mins later want her back and wonder why she left him...it's bullshit. And Karlyn...well, i am happy she moved on fast...but then she slept with...a few guys in less than two weeks of it ending. But now, i can't fucking hang out with her at ALL. she's with those fucking people who treated me like shit in high school bc i had dark skin and i'm a gay. It's fucking insulting to me for her to ask me to hang out with them, or get to know them bc they're not bad people. FUCK THAT. i confronted her about it before, and she said the whole situation made her sick...And now she's moving in with Halve of them...

i'm just fucking pissed and i dont want to talk to either one of them right now.


wow i'm really frustrated and i need a smoke, BAD.

TorchWood

IS AN AMAZING FUCKEN SHOW YO! It's a welsch tv series that have to do with Aliens and modern type issues, and it's fucking awesome and funny. But, the best part about the whole fucking thing is that the main Character is a flamming oMo Yo! lol...and he's fiine...suupa fine. He's really super attractive in my mind.

You know what i've just realized? I'm talking like a crazy hormonal teenager who so engulfed in their teeny-bopperness they dont even notice O_O. Eek.

*sigh* he's so dreamy.... (dies)

Shut your fucking face uncle fuckaaaa

LOL, this song always puts a smile on my face as screwed up as it is, lol.

oufda...long few days.

Chris is developing a large drinking problem...and he spilt beer on my laptop and laughed about it last night, without a single mention of replacing it, all he could fucking say was "oooh yeah, it was amy's fault she spilt the beer" bear in mind it was Chris who aimlessly pushed her into the beer in the first place, so technically i need to hold both of them responsible. URGE! just thinking about how fucking annoying he is, is getting on my nerve's. He really needs to be commited...or something bc this is getting out of hand.

SO, not really thinking about Paul...la la la la. OH, speaking of guy, i think i met one:D Very nice guy, didn't say a lot to him but we did that eye thing, and then looking away and smiling, and not really rememebering what we we're doing. lol, i was paying my rent at the owner-people's place. It was really patheic actually, the only thing that he and i had even briefly talked about was gas prices and driving behind semi's is a great way to save gas, and it is dude!

Fucking, my hippy killing SUV gets 16mpg on highway (mainly bc i'm going 85) BUT! the computer said 16.6 mpg, and immediatly getting behind the semi it shot up to 36.4MPG!!!! DUDE! that's an extra 20mpg:D

Sadly i didn't get his name or anything, but i know i have to go there once a month, lol.

*i kisses a boy and i liked i it...lol

He ran into my knife ten times

Pauls fine, lots of drama, and i'm going to kill him when he gets back to america. Thus the running into my knife ten times. Not going into details, but it's bad...

*sigh* i need to relax...this weekend, the beach, corona, bbq, and swimming, waiting for it...hmmm, i want it to be saturday -_-

Distressed and freaking out

Paul's been missing since monday morning. And no one can find him. his credit cards, passport, are still at the cabin, and his snowboarding gear is gone as well as his board. It's like 11:30pm there or something and they've had a search party going on since this morning there time. REbecca called me at work last night to ask me if i had heard from him at all, and had me check his facebook since i know his mail and password. Nothing...he's just gone and i feel utterly helpless with the fact that i can't do shit about anything right now. Though, i do have hope bc the major ski lifts have been down since it's the summer and low valley skiing/snowboarding is the only mountain activity allowed at this time. It's either he's deads somewhere, or he's going to be if he just hasn't told anyone where the fuck he is and i get to him.



*sigh* i dont know what the fuck to do

You say Potato, i say Vodka

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah what if god smoked cannabiS?

lol, sorry it was on my mind O_o. Erin is in Menomonie for a few days and i'm stuck here in Eau Claire all alone and bored. And, as much as i hate to say it i can't afford to spend 70$ worth of gas every 5 days in my car. My hippy killing SUV is starting to take it's toll on me O_o.

And i really don't have anything else to rant on about...OH, hey, Paul sent me a really cute pictuire of him and i'll post it for funs:D i call it deer in headlights

Minneapolis Pride, AWESOME

oh yeh, this year has totally been the best year EVER! We actually took the time to look at the attractions and shop, and really enjoy the Parade, even though it seemed shorter than other years. But, never the less aweosome in many ways:D Saw only 1 ex, hit on a lot, had my ass grabbed twice. good times:D

Stopped at MOA afterwards, bought another Roberto Cavali shirt of which i am wearing a the moment, its purdy.

my poor friend Nate was being cool on his BMX bike at pride, and did some backflip 360 that went totally wrong and he fucked up his face and arms pretty bad o_o.

Yesterday i had PTO and just relaxed. it was nice:D and then around 1 am last night i get this call from Jeremy and Chris telling me that they found this gay guy that's totally my type and hand me the phone. You know, small chit chat for a while and he left his business card with Chris to give to me and he'd email me at some point. Then a little while later i'm still on the phone with Jeremy and i can hear this guy in the background and it's the guy i was talking to (oh his name is Matt btw) and i hear him say "Hey, ask him if he know's Gustavo Best" i overheard it and i yelled into the phone "yes i know that back stabbing fucker!" and jeremy starts laughing and apparently Matt heard me to bc he was laughing too.Then i heard Matt say something like he's had sex with Gus three times today already, even though they are broken up and yadda yadda. And i'm on the phone just thinking "wow, this guys is just as sleazy as Gus" and then i think to myself...wait, i really shouldn't judge someone just bc of the people they fuck with or hang around with. *sigh* so, i suppose i'd give the guy a chance, or whatever O_o.

Some guy gave me his number as well when i was walking across the loring bridge in minneapolis. odd, though brave and cute, he just walked up to me and said "i think your really attractive, take my number" lol. i love people in minneapolis...i want to move there after this weekend:D

Translation, i either need to win the lottery, or marry paul and divorce/kill him for a large sum of monays. LOL. wow now i'm starting to sounds like mah momma. lol. jk, i wouldn't actually divorce Paul >:D

Speaking of such things, you get a lot more attention when you wear a wedding band...lol...no further comment at this time.

Sleep Deprived

I've had 1.4 hours of sleep in the past 24 hours, and i'm draggin soo bad. Had Dinner with a co-worker last night @ 1 am, drove to menomonie, took care of Kasey bc he was having Asthma problems, and it turns out that i left my company issued credit card in eau claire so when i called in an albuterol inhalor, i couldn't get it b/c of that. Kasey should be ok until tomorrow morning when i can pick it up.

I stayed up with Chris, Kasey Geoff and Stan until about 10:40, and then Erin woke me up at 11:09 to drive back to eau claire from menomonie. Got back, felt extremely sick, started throwing up, and then blood started coming out from my mouth. Freaked out, called my mom, she told me to go to Urgent Care...i didn't, lol. I was soo tired driving and bleeding at the mouth certainly help. SO, i napped for about an hour and a halve. Got dressed and came to work. Eventful i know.

Pahoua will be in the cities during Pride so i'm stoked to hang around 100's of thousands of gays with her, should be Awesome.

Right now i feel weak, and shaky, mainly due to lack of sleep. Urg....

Anyhoo, break is almost over :(

Perfect Ass Guy lol

I don't actually remember his name, but he works in a different department for our company, and i can't help but sneak moments of sexual harrasment towards this man. i just can't help but look...he has the utmost perfect i've ever seen in jeans.

It does blow though, i'm pretty sure he has a b/f and isn't on the market as far as i know. LOL, and i'm not about to go into home wrecker mod, like i did with Scott....wow, that turned out for the worst O_O.

Although, i did have my highschool moment at my cube last week. I had driven my SUV to work, and left the windows down in the parking lot. Apparently he parked next to me, and had noticed that the windows we're down. nicole and Nichole we're standing by my desk, and then he walked over, both nicoles just looked at me and smiled bc they knew i had a tad of a crush on this guy. Anyhoo, he walked over smiling and my heart just jumped (highschool moment) and it's sad bc the only exchange of words between us had been "hey, i parked next to you and your windows are down" i replied" oh, ok Thanks (big smile)" i think he said "no problem" or "your welcome" one or the other. And they he jumped into my lap and we went at it right then and there in the office...lol, or at least it played that way in my mind, lol.

*sigh* sadly no, he walked away, and i just smiled, it totally made my day that day.

Talked to Paul from his parents satelite phone last night, France is awesome apparently and he went White water Rafting or something O_o. He also mentioned that he met this really hott italian guy in a Sauna, and he didn't sleep with him....wtf? oh yeah, bc Pauls in love with me and he must bring up the fact that he loves me everytime we talk, and mention something about how much he loves me...urg! lol...but i think about it overall and i think i need to stop seeing Paul at some point bc it's gotten to far past "pillow buddies" to continue...SO, that's going to go over well.

Minneapolis Pride is coming up, and i think i've maxed out my anticipation towards it. i think its going to be awesome and amazing...but it's going to be like the other years. Hott, expensive water (and i dont think 30$ pairs of underwear aren't expensive), 100's of thousands halve naked extremely well in shape gays around..nothing really new.

Although...i have to wonder if i might see John. John was my old youth leader at this GLBT club called Q2 back in 2003. And i thought at that time, and still do, that he is the most beautiful person i've ever met. Very good looking, Charming, Heart of Gold. he's the only guy since 13 (year i lost it and started sleeping with other men), that i've always felt something for. Even through my different relationships, if i thought about him i would feel the same way as i did wghen i first met him. Given, he was 25 when i was 13, and no waay did we ever do anything. But i'm 19 now, and wow he must be 31 now O_o. Still, given how i've felt about him for these years i'm positive that age wouldn't be a problem. *sigh* i did see him one year, probably 5 years ago i first saw him...yeah....


Anyhoo, suppose i should get back to work since mah break is ova. Laters

Damage Control

So, i've been going to Menomonie almost everynight for the past few days...it's been interesting. Mainly hanging out with Chris and Kasey. And to be honest it makes me a little jealous having KAsey there. Chris hasn't seen Kasey in a year or so, but since then i've become really good friends with Chris. Now that Kasey's back i feel a tad shunned. And it makes things aquard since Kasey is actually in love with Chris...like, love love. He's straight ( i think) but he really does love Chris with all his heart, and Chris is just flat out straight -_-. It makes for a good tv drama, lol.

Well, back to slaving away -_-

Sleepy

sleep deprivation suxs assness...in the bad way.

Although, with the sleep/dreams that you have tend to be much more interested bc your mind falls into the REM sleep cycle faster; thus making it easier to remember/control your dreams for your brain isn't used to shutting down so quickly, parts remain active and take longer to shut down like any other night. I find the human brain extrodinary:D

Anyhooz, drank a lot this weekend...really high too O_O. SO worth it though, and i did relax on saturday at the beach. hmmm, soft warm breeze, uv rays, sand, the sound of water, i loves it.

Minneapolis Pride is in a few weeks, totally stoked! and then again not...it's different in gay world bc you gotta look damn fine since there's going to be close to a few hundred thousand gays...lotsa gays O_O.

oufda, well yeah...

Genetically Modified Pets

Flat out...i need one, lol. They we're made available last year by this company in California. They we're able to modify Cats to be non-allergetic. Which would cure my issues:D
http://www.cnn.com/2004/TECH/10/27/biotechnology.cats/index.html



Plainly not going to France, today at UHG they had a mad layoff with 300 within our coorperation; they say it's b/c of not enough business staying with our coorperation, and to many employee's with the amount of work load...So, it's competely bullshit, and they're laying off high salary people/crappy processors to save a tad but of money since our stock isn't doing so well, and the economy is going to shit.

huge emergency meeting called today to tell us that, and that tons of people had been let go. It scared me shitless i'm not gonna lie, but at the same time, they let go of people that really needed this job. A Pregnant woman who's about to pop who already has 4 kids, and another with health problems. It's just bullshit...all of it...

And i can't help but feel guilty that these people who are in dire need of this job, and then there's me, 19 with no major financial problems, no kids, no car payments...nothing, i just have this job for shits and giggles. (ok, maybe not, i make a ton of money health benifits, retirement, and 401K). So i am extremely grateful i still have a job...but at the same time i just feel like i don't belong.....i dunno...


Maybe i should just un-happily merry Paul and be the stay at home wife with the credit cards, cars, and kids -_-

SHIT NO! i sound like my bio mother...not gonna be her, nvm...

Going to France?

So, Paul called me and left me a voicemail asking me if i we're interested in going to France with him for 3 weeks on a Skiing trip with his family. Rebecca (Pauls sister) is already there, and his parents would be arriving about the time we would get there. Plainly i dont want to go.

Reason one-i'd have to take time off work for this trip and my PTO hasn't been in the positive for a while now.
Reason two-i don't have a passport, and it would take three months to get anyway.
Reason Three-he may try to ask me to merry him...on the top of a mountian, with his family...in France...O_O.

I can't get away if i had said no, his fam-damly would ditch me in France and i'd be FUCKED.

OH! Fourth reason-i don't speak French, whereas Paul and Rebecca are fluent in Dutch ( i think that was it) and French, lol.

I'm stressed about the whole thing, and dont' want to deal with it o-o.

But, i have to deal with it, and by dealing with it, i'm going to have to figure out how to let Paul down lightly this time. B/c i do really like him as a friend (and the occasional lay...or threesome, and as of the past two times i've seen him the foursome, lol).

I know i joked about merrying extremely well off men, and now that it actually came into play...i want nothing but to run away and hate myself for even saying such a thing...fucking stab of irony.


Lol, and it doesn't help that everyone i've talked to about it doesn't see the point of not-going.

argh...

Enraged At Police Officers

Personally I’ve never been involved with Police officers; thank god I’ve always gotten off the hook with them. But, as a daily routine of watching MSNBC news while i'm supposed to be working something struck my full attention and i wanted to fucking go kill a cop. Onboard police cams showing extreme police brutality, and then the sentances of these police officers is FUCKING MINIMAL. three Days suspensions, Stress managment classes, THESE FUCKING MEN PUT CHILDREN'S LIVE'S AT STAKE AND THIS IS THE SIMPLE SHIT THEY ARE PUNISH WITH? FUCK THAT.

i fucking hate cops, nothing but armed guards ready to fucking take out anyone that steps out of line, fucking hate them.

I dont' get straight men/wow i've been really drunk this weekend

So, the reason for the title, is that....multiple times this weekend i've had "straight guys" hitting on me, putting their arms around my shoulder, lighting my cigarettes, asking me if i want a back massage, offering to buy me dinner. WTf is with all this shit?@?@! One right after a fucking-nother. Although, Clayton was really sweet, and cute...ARGh..yeah. Jeremy was drunk halve the time, but still. Claytons little brother was the one who asked me if i wanted a massage bc he saw me crack my neck while playing HALO. The problem is, he's been giving me these "eyes" for weeks now, and brings up gay sex almost every conversation we have. He's actually really attractive and jockey, but one problem, he's 15, LMFAO. given i'm only 19 but still, that's just...wrong. Like, i can see myself with older guys yeah, but someone younger than me? no... not so much.

SO schedual for this past weekend. friday night, Chris's house, drunk, passed out. Saturday night, worked until 11, hit up Dan's Party (Gus's Hags we're there and i swear they wanted to kill me), Hung out with Karlyn and got to know Spencer and Adam Argo (everyone's fantasy for Menomonie high school Graduating classes 05, 06, 07, and 08 This boy is fiiiiine as hell and wanted by EVERYONE, he's the man of mans-man man mans). lol, i'm outside having a smoke with Spencer (he says he's straight, but just looking at him contradicts that, OH, and he kept hitting on me and suggesting we get a hotel room, wtf>). I go back inside and i just see a slight glimpse of Karlyn head into the bathroom and i see Agam Argo go in after her. lol. 3 mins later Dan comes to me and says "Where's Karlyn, is she in the bathroom?" i said "yes" he just looked at me funny and said "your not telling me something...*i shrugged*...hey, were's Argo?" i wasn't gonna lie to the bastard "in the bathroom, and if your going to ask me if they're using the bathroom for what it was intended for, that i don't know" LOL, his face goes beat red and he freaked out (one, its his new house, two Karlyns is his little sister). Yeah, definatly saw buldging argo's penis through jeans, lol. Karlyn layed him later that night. And i gots ze details and apparently he's great in the sack, lol.

Oh, after Dan's party i went to Chris's and got really baked, lol. i actually thought that was was being passed around was a cheat cigar or swisher sweet...no, it was a HUGE blunt. lol. Got baked, passed out.

Last night, got off work @ 11 headed over to Chris's he turned 21 @ midnight, i was the sober driver...until we got back, lol. Drank and drank and drank. then like crazy XXXXXXX german porn we (we being clayton, jeremy, kinda chris, and Ian) all kinda fool around, and then we tie up Chris and whip him since it's his b-day, lol. Drunk and atemting to fool around doesn't work out so well, lol.

Played vodka pong afterwards...and after that i dont even remember getting into Geoff's bed and passing out. I woke up @ 1:14 today, and i was supposed to be in EC at 1 so i can meet the movers for my new furniture, lol. didn't happen, i was late as hell...and then i came to work and i'm fucking hung over like a mo fo.

ERgh, lol. but it was fun:D

Speaking of which Mark just sent me a text and i think i know whats going on tonight >:D

oooh yeah:D

WtF>?

Stressfull days here at UHG...bout' ready to jump off a fucking bridge.
Work Sucks.


Sex is getting more interesting the more i push away Paul
Sex is Good

I can't stand how much i'm going to be paying for gas if it reaches 5$ a gallon.
Gas Prices Suck

I'm going Back home this weekend and i'll see Liss for the first time in a year :D
Friends are awesome

Perfect ass man winked at me the other day on break and i almost grabbed him and ran for the mothers room, lol.
Not getting what you want sucks

Hopefully i'm getting my cat this weekend, they were born a few weeks ago, pretty white cat with blue eyes, and his name with be "chyen Chyen" i think it's chinese for Money:D
Pets are awesome

Yeah, my rant is done...

Tip Top Taps

SO, i needed more illegally downloaded music so i drove all the way to menomonie last night and spent the night @ Chris's. Played Halo, watched some eureka 7, downloaded music. Oh yeah.

But, then you think about it i'm in front of a screen for most of my week. Go to work, sit in front of the computer all day, go home, play on my laptop, or watch a movie, or play video games. When i'm in the car....yeah there to, i have my dashboard computer, and then i usually bring my laptop and integrate it into the car so i can play music of my itunes while i drive since my Ipod is totally SOL and broken (250$ down the drain).

oh hey! speaking of which i got a new blackberry today. (cellphone 3 for this year). Which is another screen i usually look at while with friends and texting at social gatherings. lol.


its the need to be connected and with it, that's causing my addiction -_-

Weekend Madness!

So...i love my guys friends, really i do. But, when three of them proposition you to blow them randomly when watching family guy freaks me out a little bit. Given, these guys are "straight" but not only that, two of them have g/f. Wtf?!. i Humbley declined, although i had me second thoughts on one, Clayton. bom chicka Wa Wa! Totally my type, Cute, tall, Man-Buff, and amazing lips, lol. No bootay for me.

One thing that really urked me though; i was extremely drunk at one point, and had passed out in Chris's bed. Maybe an hour or two later i wake up High and drunk off my ass. i look over and Geoff, Clayton, Kyle, and Chris are all toking up a LOT of weed. Enclosed space, lots of pot, contact high. No so pleased. But then again at the time i didn't really care b/c i was dunk and high without my consent. So i'm just laying there watching the TV and it's infomercials and i remember just laughing nonstop, no joke. NONSTOP. my abs hurt like a mo fo. Somehow Clayton ended up on top of me and we made out for a while...it was nice, very nice. Soft Lips. Hand placed softly left on my face, fan was on so it felt like we we're on the beach since the room temp was easily 98degrees. light tonguem kissed my neck and breathed on my ear. Clayton is a DAmn Fine kisser. Nothing happened, and it ended ubruptly when Geoff pushed Clayton off jumped off me and said right in my face "DUDE I GOT THE MUNCHIES LETS TO SO SA!!!"


lol...Now, i remember walking down the stairs, and then i'm sitting in the car, next thing i know i'm standing in front of the donut case looking at donuts. Then out of no where, some really drunk guy comes up to me, gives me the eyes, and ask's what i'm into. (WTf?). I gave him this puzzled look, and then he slurred saying "oooh nnvm man, i was meaning what kind of donut you like" then he had the nerve to put his arm around my shoulder. He wasn't that bad looking...for someone who's like 38. Chris came grabbed me a donut, pushed the fucker off me and escorted me to the Nachos, lol. Got back to Chris's highly made pizza bites, ate them, played halo, passed the fuck out.

Nothing to interesting the next day. Had a few drinks, played halo and Napped. it was Nice:D

Btw i'm getting pretty good @ Halo so watch out.

Army Boys Sex And Guns

SO, Mark took a corner to fast last night, slightly hit a fire hydrant then slid into a pole, lol. Raining, bald tires=boom. SO, Jenna's bd was last night:D Ben B, Larse, Kyle S, Erin, Jenna, Stacie, Karlyn and me, party party party! it was fun as hell too. Ben had tons of semi-automatic weapons in his car, as well as long range rifles...we had fun, and amazingly no one got shot, or noticible holes in my apartment, lol. My fav was the M16...hmm, pretty. Although, it was odd knowing that these weapons had actually been used in killing someone. (Ben's in special forces, Jenna's Airforce, Larse is Military). And, as i type Karlyn is with Ben at the Gun range letting a few off. lol.

White people....ton of beer...weapons of mass distruction, yeah it made for a good night.

Sex-Mark and Paul...lol, i know i wasn't going to sleep with Paul anymore, but it just kinda happened as Mark and i were busy. not going into details though. lol. Well, one-back porch and rain, lol.

I really need to switch out the music on my Blackberry, this shit is getting old -_-. "duuurty babe, you see these shackles baby i'm your slave, i'll let you whip me if i misbehave" lol, this is an old song.

Tonight-All the girls are going to club in the cities and getting a hotel, i'm going to Claytons party and hopefully Gus won't be there. Two power gays at one party isn't a good thing. Buuut, i have the advantage bc people like me a little better. lol, i'm not the one to hit on people and attempt to seduce them, whereas Gus tried getting anything with two or more legs in the sack. Oh, and it has to have a penis...lol. he's sick...really. i feel really bad for him though, be after sleeping with so many guys without condoms who knows what he has o_o....eew...


Ergh, time for work, yay?